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After a terrifying week of bleeding and spotting, we saw one beautiful, strong heartbeat today! Little bean is on track and DH and I am overjoyed!

I called my FS (he’s already on holiday) last Saturday, totally panicky after my 6w scan showed a 5.1 mm bean without a heartbeat. According to lots of texts on the internet, this gets classified as a ‘missed miscarrriage’. My FS said not to worry: the little beans don’t read the textbooks and are known to do their own thing. I’m so grateful that he was right!

Today’s temporary FS (vd Merwe at VP) said I’m likely to see a lot more red in the coming weeks due to the little lost twin and I shouldn’t worry too much if it happens. I should just take things easy.

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News from the FS’s scan:

There’re two adjacent sacs and the one bean looks fine. No hearbeat, but LO’s measuring 5.1 mm which is equal to an age of 6w2d. That is right on track. FS (Dr Siebert) doesn’t look worried. It is probably just too early for a heartbeat. (Hoping and praying the FS is right – I guess you never stop worrying, hey?)

The other little one is not making it, sac is filled with blood – which explains yesterday. This situation does increase the risk for the healthy bean, but I remind myself of all the odds that this LO has already overcome.

My joy at having one healthy bean is way bigger than the sadness over the other one. Raising twins would have been an awesome adventure, but I’ll be eternally grateful if I get to say hello to one healthy little babaliefie in a few months’ time.

We’re hoping to see the heartbeat at Wednesday’s scan.

Thank you so much for the messages and prayers this morning, ladies. It means so much to me.

Yesterday, I thought something wasn’t feeling right (TMI coming up). Then I started bleeding. Lots. 😦

I jumped in my car and drove home, sobbing all the way, convinced it was all over. Yet, the bleeding had stopped as fast as it had started. I had some cramping, but with my cranky, crampy uterus, that is hardly surprising.

Today is like the morning after a storm. Silence and clear skies. I’m at exactly 6 weeks today.

Now DH and I can only hope and pray that our ‘babaliefie’ survived the storm.

When we prepared for bed yesterday, we were excited and relaxed after we had just told my sweet MIL our news. But then.. (TMI coming up).. I started spotting. 😦

My BFP is still like a soap bubble that I stare at in wonder. I barely want to whisper those letters, in case it would make the fragile promise of tiny life vanish.

The FS called me this morning, so we spoke about the situation. Seems there’s not much we can do at this stage but waiting it out and keeping up hope, right?

Just had to go one more time, although the FS didn’t request another beta after #2.

Beta #3 on 17 dpo is 1001, so basically tripled since Monday. It’s so amazing to see the rise plotted on my DH’s excel spreadsheet and I’m feeling reassured and relieved. (DH is keeping another graph on my weight – pasted above the bathroom scale, since he wants to plot how his wife goes totally fat.. 😀 )

FS says it’s going very well and I can stop going for betas now, since I’m not a lab experiment after all. Yeah right! He clearly doesn’t know my lab rat DH too well!

P.S. It’s all still a dream and I can’t believe it is happening.

My FS, Dr Dawie Slabbert at Panorama in Cape Town, trained at Vincent Palotti and I can’t resist recommending him here. I’ve heard from other reliable sources that he has fantastic success rates and that I couldn’t do better than to go with him – although I never directly asked him about his IVF success rate.

He is the most compassionate doctor I’ve ever met and he’s very professional, although he is slightly younger than my DH (!). He answers e-mails within day and you’re sure to get lots of personal attention if you go with him.

Also, if I put my bikini on this summer, I doubt my siblings will even notice my 2-hour long lap in July’s scars (I didn’t tell them about the lap)! The scars extremely small and neat. The one in my navel was done very cleverly and is invisible. (A bit of weight gain around my tummy is likely to get noticed though.. 😉 )

2nd Beta 72 hours after the first is: 324!

Increased 8 times since Friday.. 😯

I’ll tell my family after the scan, which should be on the 22nd/23rd of Dec.

My plan is to make my parents a Christmas card with their smiling grandchild’s photo on it to break the news. OK, I guess 6 weeks is a bit soon for a smile on the scanned image, but you know what I mean! 😀

Beta = 39 = BFP!

So please, please, please beta 2#, if it’s not too much to ask..

It’s so very early still. I’m determined to only tell my family once we’ve seen a heartbeat on a scan. Hopefully just before Christmas!

So yes! Wow! How grateful and in awe could one person be!? Guilty, really, to receive such a blessing on petty IUI #2..

TBH, I’m feeling so emotional. I always thought that getting a BFP would turn one’s tears into joy. While true, I guess one could never forget what you’ve learned on such an incredibly hard journey.

Even if (by God’s grace) today’s happiness grows into a healthy LO, the tears, darkness, unfairness and humiliation of IF and ART will remain a memory etched in my mind.

I’m so hesitant to become excited too soon and thought I should keep this a secret but..

My 4:50 am HPT is the closest thing to a positive I’ve ever seen, or at least squinted at! I’m convinced that if I dismantle it and look at it through my DH’s microscope, a few pink molecules would be clearly visible where that fabled second line is supposed to appear.

It took an hour to get DH awake enough and in a good enough mood to to even look at the test. By then a ringneck dove outside my window was repeatedly blurting out what sounded like: “I-think u-r PREG–NANT” (Admittedly, could also have been “I-think u’re-NOT preg–nant..”)

DH finally had a sceptic look (no microscope involved), went quiet for a few moments and conceded that he could also see a.. a.. he actually called it a ‘second line’! (Not sure I’d go quite that far.) He even instantly fetched the camera and took a few snaps!

Another sample and test (both tests were Clicks brand) at 6:30 am showed the same result.

It’s surely too early for excitement, but whatever the outcome of my beta today – I already have two almost-positive HPTs to hang on my Christmas tree!

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