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My baby angel has been crying at daycare. I’ve been crying at work. She would cry when I drop her off in the morning. When I call her daymother during the day, I could hear her crying in the background. She’d be crying when I pick her up, until I would hold her in my arms and wipe those tears.

It made me write this:

My world has moved, yet my desk hasn’t noticed my metamammamorphosis

My desk becomes a door to a city of endless, grey streets
through which I wander bleary-eyed
all day long while

my heart searches and searches
“Where is my baby angel? Where is she?”

my ears remain pricked-up
“Do we hear her calling?”

my empty arms hunger for her warm softness

my breasts weep with yearning

The hours drag their feet

Finally, I get to take her from the other woman!

Here she is! She is safe.

I bury my mouth in her wispy baby shampoo hair

I draw the curtain on the world and her thirsty lips find me

She moulds onto me, we melt into each other

I’m whole again


Just look at my pretty baby, sitting all by herself! *proud*

She’ll be 6 months old tomorrow.

DH and I took LO to the paediatrian on Tuesday for her 6-month check-up. She was 5.5 months old, but I wanted to get the visit over before we started work on Wednesday.

My word! Has my beautiful baby grown since her 3-month visit! She’s about 71 cm tall, so above the 99th percentile. Her weight is slightly below average at 6.65 kg (about 30th percentile), so she is one tall, dainty fairy.

I was a bit worried she might be too thin, but I suppose she wouldn’t have grown so tall if she were malnourished or getting too little calories? Also, apart from a slight cold once and recurrent hayfever, she has never been ill, which must be a good sign.

The doctor looked at my DH and myself and basically said that he’s not concerned about her weight – it’s clearly in our genes, lampposts that we both are.

The rest of the visit went very well. ‘Liefietjie’ played along nicely and showed the doc what a clever, healthy and bouncing baby she is.

As a wonderful an adventure as motherhood has been, the sleep deprivation has been a tough challenge.

Till about last week, my LO was still waking up for a feed at 1 am and another at 4 am on just about every night – occasionally less or more (!) times. I’m someone who needs more sleep than most. In fact, my in-laws sometimes teased me about such a sleepyhead.

During the past months I often felt like a zombie, barely able to function. (Once I accidentally paid one month’s salary over into my Pilates instructor’s account, instead of into my husband’s. Whoops! Luckily she repaid most of it, thank goodness!)

So bring out the champagne! Last night LO slept through the night and she also did so the night before without needing a feed. She only needed her dummy a few times and would then drift back to sleep instantly.

It feels as if I’m going to get a large part of myself back once she starts sleeping through regularly.


January 2011
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