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we’ll frame our laughter
next to nana’s bed
we’ll show you the world
from the top of Lion’s head

we’ll giggle at penguins
fly kites on the beach
there’s so much to learn, my little one,
there’s so much to teach

and there’ll be candles at birthdays
and ducks in the bath
a night light and Lego
and picnics and parties
and ice cream
and…

if only you’d stay with me
it would be so much fun, you’d see

us three
your daddy, me
and you

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Phew, ever feel like you’re not gonna survive the 2ww this time round?

I’ve been fine on Clomid, the Ovidrel didn’t bother me, but I those damned Utrogestan tabs.. Ever since I first saw those pills, I’ve been ravenously hungry and thirsty. By now, I’m both nauseous and hungry most of the time.

I have heartburn, but maybe that’s because I’m constantly craving (and devouring) olives, capers and the vinegar pickle they come in. Yesterday I left home late for work, but still had to stop to pick up yet another jar of olives on my way to work. I finished half of it before I even reached the office. (Without getting too much oil on my steering wheel, I’m proud to say.)

I POAS this morning at 11 dpo. And it’s just too early, right? Right?

I’ve already got my luckiest panty laid out for when I go for the beta on Friday, but to be honest: if my chances are 15% for this IUI cycle (let’s be optimistic and forget about my age!), it’s still easier to imagine 85% happening than 15%!

It breaks my heart when my DH prays every night that I be pregnant by Christmas so we can have a happy time with the family.

The past 4 nights, I woke between 2am and 4am due to hunger pains! So I think I’m getting into the habit of raiding the fridge every night. How unlike me! And by the time I wake up for breakfast, I’m ready to stuff my face again!

I’m simply feeling hungry and thirsty all the time. I even packed myself more lunch today than I’ve packed my tall, ripped DH.

So last night whilst wolfing down a packet of Simonsberg smoked salmon cream cheese (yum!), I asked Dr Google for his opinion and found this interesting (if long and geeky) article on progesterone, weight loss and diet: research article on influence of menstrual cycle on weight and diet

My FS prescribed Utrogestan during my 2ww as progesterone supplement, so it must be this hormone that’s cranking up my appetite to such monsterous proportions?

Since I suspect I’ve had multiple very early losses already (the 4 or 5 luteal phases of between 15 and 25 days I’ve had in the past) I’m hoping that the extra progesterone’s going to help out this month’s little bean. And maybe I’ll even put on some weight. 🙂

I think something that often helped me to be successful in life (meaning as relatively successful/unsuccessful as I’m now), is my ability to focus on what’s important.

This has helped me lots in my studies and at work. I had good grades and my superiors tend to be very happy with me. If you know the comic strip Calvin and Hobbs, you’ll understand that it’s sad that I can relate to the life of Suzie Derkins!

The problem is that what’s important to me now, is to try and get that BFP! One could say I’ve completely lost my focus, but I think it has just shifted to this very elusive goal.

Today, I can’t think of anything but tomorrow’s first IUI. After that, the 2ww is unlikely to help me snap out of it for another 14 days. If I do get a BFP, well.. I can only imagine what the 9mw would be like!

I’m going to have to put some serious effort into getting some momentum going at work and in my studies!

I wonder whether this is the reason why girls are generally less successful at their careers?! Especially once that friggin’ biological clock starts ticking like a time bomb?

I’m hoping like crazy I can get my act together at work soon! Judging from my boss’s comments, I’ve still got some credits in my ‘productivity account’ at the moment due to having often worked hard and long hours here over the past two odd years – but for how long?

My previous corporate job made me feel like I’ve run away from home and joined the circus. So before starting ttc, I took a salary cut, got myself a job with a wonderful boss and a much nicer work environment.

In my previous job, I barely got round to seeing a dentist, leave alone an FS. My previous (male) boss used to say, “Just promise me you’re not going to fall pregnant anytime soon..” My new (female) boss has told me before, “I can’t wait for you to have kiddies, because I’m so curious to see whether they’d be more like you or more like your DH..” Yes, I’m sooo lucky – I just need those kiddies now!

I try not to think about this (especially in the 2ww), but all of this means that if I never get to have a LO, I’d be without much of a career and without LOs. Guess I’d better try to make sure I’d still be working for my really nice boss if (God forbid) that were happen.. So I’m really trying to get my scatter-brained thoughts a bit more together this week!

I’m testing on the 30th and writing an exam on the 4th Nov. So if I get that BFP, that will be one of my and the MaybeBaby’s first bonding experiences! Too bad my chances of having the LO by then is most likely a lot less than I’m going to have for that stupid exam..

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