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Today exactly a year ago, I stared at a home pregnancy test in disbelief – and that was the start of a whole new adventure! It was a year ago, it was yesterday – and of course more than a lifetime ago for my baby girl.

Aah, my eyes still mist up when I think back of that joy-filled day. (You’ll find more on that day here on my blog: day I tested positive )

It’s only a year later, but now I get to hold the most precious little ‘babaliefie’ in my arms every day (and every night of course – ha! …time I used to spend on boring old sleep..).

Last year on this day she was but a fragile dream, like a soap bubble you stare at in wonder. Now she’s a beautiful baby girl bouncing on my knee. How times have changed! Of course, of course, parenthood is hard too.. Yes, yes, but it remains the most amazing and fulfilling thing ever.

I will remain eternally grateful.

Just a few days prior to that positive pregnancy test (it was during the 2ww) I penned a poem:

we’ll frame our laughter
next to nana’s bed
we’ll show you the world
from the top of Lion’s head

we’ll giggle at penguins
fly kites on the beach
there’s so much to learn, my little one,
there’s so much to teach

and there’ll be candles at birthdays
and ducks in the bath
a night light and Lego
and picnics and parties
and ice cream

if only you’d stay with me
it would be so much fun, you’d see

us three
your daddy, me
and you

And she stayed.

Our ‘meisiekind’ now weighs over 500g and the doc says all is looking 100% normal.

However, to me as subjective mommy all is looking totally amazing!

LG’s got the most beautiful little muscular calves and quads. I’m not surprised, because the ‘woelwater’ is exercising them all the time – a constant tiny butterfly in my tummy.

I’ll be at 23 weeks on Saturday (day after tomorrow).

It still seems like a dream and I’m in awe of the technology that allows us peeks into the private little sanctuary of our little miracle. I have such a grateful heart.

LO was peacefully asleep at the start of today’s scan, allowing the doc to get a good look at my perfect little girl. I held my breath as I saw her lying dead still at first! However, she soon awoke and was her normal playful self, waving, dancing and amusing herself with the cord.

My thoughts are filled with dreams of my little angel. I constantly dream up new ideas for her nursery and our life together. Too bad we only have one room to decorate! Choices, choices..

I have overnight turned into one of those glowing, energetic preggy women I could only admire during the m/s weeks. I still wear ‘normal clothes’ most of the time, but I’m sure I’ll wake up with a proper bump any day now.

DH looks more excited by the day. It melts my heart when he speaks of his dreams, as he puts a laminated wooden floor in the nursery, makes baby furniture, plans how we’ll bath her, etc.

He says the sweetest things, like: “If I pave this part of the lawn, she’ll have some nice space for riding her bike some day..”

We’re so blessed.

Saw my new gynae on Friday for the 16w scan. Our cute little ?girl was as always playful, showing off and even somersaulting. I could almost hear her saying “Dream a little dream of me, mommy!”

She measured slightly small for 16w, but still on track. The placenta is apparently in front, so I can’t feel LO moving yet.

The relentless m/s has loosened its grip slightly and I’m starting to believe that I’m going to be rid of it again one day. (Hopefully before my boss starts thinking of firing me.) My dad said that my mom was terribly sick for ‘very long’ when she expected me. So guess I had it coming, hey?

Fortunately my DH has been incredibly supportive and loving and automatically took over most household tasks. I’ve been a bit quiet on the forum, since I’ve been spending lots of quality time lying in front of my fan and hoping to feel better. (New gynae said to try Gaviscon. Alas, I found it to be no miracle cure for m/s..).

I still wear my ‘normal’ clothes, but just bought the coolest pair of below knee-length, maternity jeans. Can’t wait to start wearing it!

When we prepared for bed yesterday, we were excited and relaxed after we had just told my sweet MIL our news. But then.. (TMI coming up).. I started spotting. 😦

My BFP is still like a soap bubble that I stare at in wonder. I barely want to whisper those letters, in case it would make the fragile promise of tiny life vanish.

The FS called me this morning, so we spoke about the situation. Seems there’s not much we can do at this stage but waiting it out and keeping up hope, right?

Just had to go one more time, although the FS didn’t request another beta after #2.

Beta #3 on 17 dpo is 1001, so basically tripled since Monday. It’s so amazing to see the rise plotted on my DH’s excel spreadsheet and I’m feeling reassured and relieved. (DH is keeping another graph on my weight – pasted above the bathroom scale, since he wants to plot how his wife goes totally fat.. 😀 )

FS says it’s going very well and I can stop going for betas now, since I’m not a lab experiment after all. Yeah right! He clearly doesn’t know my lab rat DH too well!

P.S. It’s all still a dream and I can’t believe it is happening.


August 2020