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A dear IF friend sent me a message today to say that her 7w scan did not go well: an empty sac, since the baby didn’t grow.

How painful it is to mourn for a little darling who has giggled and cooed only in your dreams. How heartbreaking to mourn for all those lost years of a life not yet lived, with so many stories untold, summers untasted.

Dear friend, I know that the fleeting life of your little angel made an eternal imprint on your heart. I pray that you’ll remember not only the tears and devastation of loss, but also manage to hang onto the happy memories that this LO brought you in the past weeks. May you retain the special memories, magic and wonder of your first ever preggie Christmas.

I’m so sorry, my dear friend. You and your DH are in my and my DH’s thoughts and prayers.


After a terrifying week of bleeding and spotting, we saw one beautiful, strong heartbeat today! Little bean is on track and DH and I am overjoyed!

I called my FS (he’s already on holiday) last Saturday, totally panicky after my 6w scan showed a 5.1 mm bean without a heartbeat. According to lots of texts on the internet, this gets classified as a ‘missed miscarrriage’. My FS said not to worry: the little beans don’t read the textbooks and are known to do their own thing. I’m so grateful that he was right!

Today’s temporary FS (vd Merwe at VP) said I’m likely to see a lot more red in the coming weeks due to the little lost twin and I shouldn’t worry too much if it happens. I should just take things easy.

News from the FS’s scan:

There’re two adjacent sacs and the one bean looks fine. No hearbeat, but LO’s measuring 5.1 mm which is equal to an age of 6w2d. That is right on track. FS (Dr Siebert) doesn’t look worried. It is probably just too early for a heartbeat. (Hoping and praying the FS is right – I guess you never stop worrying, hey?)

The other little one is not making it, sac is filled with blood – which explains yesterday. This situation does increase the risk for the healthy bean, but I remind myself of all the odds that this LO has already overcome.

My joy at having one healthy bean is way bigger than the sadness over the other one. Raising twins would have been an awesome adventure, but I’ll be eternally grateful if I get to say hello to one healthy little babaliefie in a few months’ time.

We’re hoping to see the heartbeat at Wednesday’s scan.

Thank you so much for the messages and prayers this morning, ladies. It means so much to me.

Yesterday, I thought something wasn’t feeling right (TMI coming up). Then I started bleeding. Lots. 😦

I jumped in my car and drove home, sobbing all the way, convinced it was all over. Yet, the bleeding had stopped as fast as it had started. I had some cramping, but with my cranky, crampy uterus, that is hardly surprising.

Today is like the morning after a storm. Silence and clear skies. I’m at exactly 6 weeks today.

Now DH and I can only hope and pray that our ‘babaliefie’ survived the storm.

When we prepared for bed yesterday, we were excited and relaxed after we had just told my sweet MIL our news. But then.. (TMI coming up).. I started spotting. 😦

My BFP is still like a soap bubble that I stare at in wonder. I barely want to whisper those letters, in case it would make the fragile promise of tiny life vanish.

The FS called me this morning, so we spoke about the situation. Seems there’s not much we can do at this stage but waiting it out and keeping up hope, right?


October 2019
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