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My little star is weighing about 5 kg, so twice her weight on take-baby-home day. I love breastfeeding her. To me there’s something almost holy in those intimate moments when she’s drinking quietly and contently, her tiny body pressed against mine. (If we can ignore those fussy evening feeds for a minute here!)

As for sleeping, uhm, well.. stars are brightest at night, right? She takes after her never-tired daddy.. She still wakes up every two hours to visit Mommy’s Diner, roughly 12 am, 2 am, 4 am and again at 6. During the day, LO can go without sleep for up to about 6 hours! I often spend half an hour getting her to sleep – then after 15 minutes of sleep, she opens those big blue eyes, gives me a big grin and wants to be held, carried around, entertained or whatnot again!

She hates dummies, Telament drops, vaccinations, those frequent stomach cramps and sitting in the same spot for long.

She loves baths, her swing, her daddy, gripe water, lullabies and mommy’s breast (a restaurant, snack bar, pacifier and pillow all in one!).

I still spend a significant amount of time on work tasks, or stressing about work deadlines even though I’m on maternity leave till mid November. I’ve dropped out of my UNISA studies this semester – finding no time for the assignments. Sigh.

So in short, LO is doing well, DH is still the proudest dad ever and I’m the lucky, if utterly exhausted mommy of the most amazing little one.


Exam went well!

By 3 am the morning before, I’ve crammed through the important material and exercises and felt calm. Fortunately, nothing focuses me like the blind panic the day before an exam. It was also the first time in months I managed to forget for a few waking hours that I’m not pregnant (yet) – which was almost cool.

Studying an undergraduate degree part-time at 35 while working full-time is a penalty I’m paying for making a career change a few years ago. This was the 26th subject out of 30. The 4 that’s left is mostly programming and computer sciency stuff. I’m not sure how I’ll manage when I (hopefully soon) fall pregnant, but guess it’s best to only worry once it happens.

Had a lovely sleep yesterday afternoon and am feeling so much better today. 🙂

A dark and frantic night is looming ahead! I’m writing exam tomorrow at 8 am and simply couldn’t and can’t focus my scattered ttc brain on the study material. So here I am busy with a final monumental effort to try and cram the semester’s work into a brain that can’t be bothered during one night. 😯

Sheesh, I can’t remember the last time I’ve been forced to pull an all-nighter. I tend to be more organised and better prepared (i.e. more nerdy). Since I’m not preggy, I plan to at least overdose on coffee to my heart’s delight.

And my sister just called. She’s trying hard to be supportive and it’s not that I don’t appreciate it. But I’m starting to think the one thing that would make me relax on this ttc journey, is if I could shove a textbook on Stage 4 endo up the ass of everyone telling me to ‘just relax’!

Sorry about this vent – I’m feeling terribly grumpy and slightly jittery from the caffeine already. And this bad mood can only get badder during the night that stretches ahead.. 😦

PS: I promise to be nicer again tomorrow once the dust has settled on my side! Phew, what a whiny post that one is and I can surely only blame myself for not getting my rear in gear sooner.. 😐

We went to bed early last night and I fell asleep in DH’s arms, so I’m feeling much better today.

I realize that my DH doesn’t only stress about the cost of IVF, but also about car seats, school fees, a prom dress, university..

True, raising a kid is expensive enough without having to spend thousands on ART. However, I’d rather have the kiddie now (rather than never) and then worry about later on later on. DH sees it as ultimately his responsibility to provide for the wife and kiddies, so it’s harder for him to make peace with the costs of ART.


October 2019
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