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The quiet little cherub that was content to view the world from a particular spot on the bed or floor is now a distant memory. During shopping trips and outings, my little ‘babaliefie’ is now a squirming little octopus that’s magically able to reach far beyond what seems humanly possible.

At 9 months, my little fairy is already 75 cm long (as long as the average 13 month old baby girl), yet weighs in at a petite 8.3 kg. She loves her food and is also drinking 2 to 4 bottles a day. She seems happy, healthy and (if you ask me!) gorgeous.

She’s never slept well, but we’ve had an exceptionally trying month. Since breastfeeding came to a halt (due to the downward spiral of lack of demand and lack of supply), she started waking up at night and would simply fail to settle again, sometimes for as long as two or three hours! If I would turn on the light, she’d be so incredibly happy and excited to see me. Exasperated, I started giving her a bottle in the night and that seems the only way to get her asleep again. (She has NO teeth yet, so at least I’m not worried about the effect of this on her teeth..)

It’s also been harder to get her to fall asleep. Lately she pushes herself into sitting when I put her down in her cot at night – and then she just wants to play some more! I’ve come to view the time it takes to get her drowsy as our special time together though, so I don’t mind ‘working’ a bit to get her asleep.

I’ve been quiet lately as juggling motherhood, work and part-time studies is taking its toll. After a bad night, I sometimes feel as if I’m hanging onto sanity for dear life! DH is talking about ttc number two, I feel exhausted just thinking about that.

Still, I can never wait to pick up my ‘babaliefietjie’ from daycare in the afternoon. It’s my favourite moment of the day – seeing her little face again after all those long hours apart.

DH and I love her with wild abandon, this perfect, funny little angel of ours.

Day-care is going sooo much better! My baby angel still sometimes cry when I leave her in the morning, but it seems she’s fine the rest of the day. When I pick her up in the afternoon, she’s always happy and content – and very pleased to see me. I’m so relieved that she’s settled now at day-care, but I’m also wondering whether she misses as much as I miss her every work day?

Now if only I could get my baby to sleep at night! The past week or so has been hectic and the past two nights have been the worst! Lately we’ve had to pop her dummy in what feels like a gazillion times per night. The past two nights she also wanted 2 feeds and last night I even got up and gave her a bottle of formula after the second feed. Growth spurt, maybe? Whatever it is, I just hope I get to sleep again someday. I feel like a zombie in a car wreck every morning when the alarm goes off.

She’s eating well and loves her food. By now she’s even had home cooked dinners a few times (pureed mince and lentils with veggies and pureed spaghetti bolognaise – no sugar or salt added).

In terms of her development, my baby is doing things her way. She’s always had very strong extensor muscles and has loved doing full weight bearing in a standing position even when she was only a month or two old. This helped her achieve unassisted sitting so relatively early (for a late pretermer) and at a time she was not even rolling over yet.

By now (6 months 3 weeks unadjusted for prematurity) she’s rolling over like a champ and if she’s on her tummy, she’ll try to reach a toy that’s just beyond her grasp by rolling over towards it. Up to now I could leave her on our bed when I was getting ready in the morning, but now I have to put her in the cot for those moments when I’ve got my back turned.

I’m slightly concerned that she’s not getting enough experience of weight bearing on her elbows and hands, as she completely skipped assisted tripod sitting (i.e. sitting propped up on her hands) and does not love being on her tummy. Yes, as a former paediatric Occupational Therapist, I’m sure I’ll always find something to be (at least) slightly concerned about!

She now displays fear of strangers, particularly directed towards ‘ou omies’ (older men). Admittedly, ‘ou omies’ sometimes scare me too! And lately, if I hand her over to a friend, she’ll look up at the lady’s face, start looking uncertain and finally begin to cry till I take her in my arms again.

She’s generally a quiet, cheerful little baby. She doesn’t ‘talk’ that much, but she’s always smiling. She loves it when I sing her songs and when we play games. She’ll look into my eyes and touch my face with her tiny hands – and pull my hair, which is a bit less endearing. She loves bathing and showering. She loves it when we go shopping and she’ll smile at everyone looking in her direction (as long as she’s in my arms or in her Kanga carrier).

She’s started playing peek-a-boo with her blanket. As she pulls it over her head, she becomes a bit anxious and starts breathing more quickly. Her legs will kick energetically till she finally pulls it off her face again. Hehe, she seems to enjoy the rush of those ‘scary’ moments when she’s under the blanket! Funny ‘klein Liefietjie!’

Lastly, as far as cuteness is concerned, my word! I didn’t even know babies come in this cute. How I love her, this perfect little baby angel of mine.

My baby angel has been crying at daycare. I’ve been crying at work. She would cry when I drop her off in the morning. When I call her daymother during the day, I could hear her crying in the background. She’d be crying when I pick her up, until I would hold her in my arms and wipe those tears.

It made me write this:

My world has moved, yet my desk hasn’t noticed my metamammamorphosis

My desk becomes a door to a city of endless, grey streets
through which I wander bleary-eyed
all day long while

my heart searches and searches
“Where is my baby angel? Where is she?”

my ears remain pricked-up
“Do we hear her calling?”

my empty arms hunger for her warm softness

my breasts weep with yearning


The hours drag their feet

Finally, I get to take her from the other woman!

Here she is! She is safe.

I bury my mouth in her wispy baby shampoo hair

I draw the curtain on the world and her thirsty lips find me

She moulds onto me, we melt into each other

I’m whole again

DH and I took LO to the paediatrian on Tuesday for her 6-month check-up. She was 5.5 months old, but I wanted to get the visit over before we started work on Wednesday.

My word! Has my beautiful baby grown since her 3-month visit! She’s about 71 cm tall, so above the 99th percentile. Her weight is slightly below average at 6.65 kg (about 30th percentile), so she is one tall, dainty fairy.

I was a bit worried she might be too thin, but I suppose she wouldn’t have grown so tall if she were malnourished or getting too little calories? Also, apart from a slight cold once and recurrent hayfever, she has never been ill, which must be a good sign.

The doctor looked at my DH and myself and basically said that he’s not concerned about her weight – it’s clearly in our genes, lampposts that we both are.

The rest of the visit went very well. ‘Liefietjie’ played along nicely and showed the doc what a clever, healthy and bouncing baby she is.

I’ve been back at work (from maternity leave) for over a week. It was long enough for me to realize that I’m going to take very long to adjust to this new setup.

I have a good enough job (if not the stuff movies or series are based on – hahaha, not even close!) and an amazingly understanding female boss. I found a daymother on Gumtree that I feel reasonably comfortable with (i.e. as comfortable as one could feel about a stranger you’re entrusting with the most precious gift you’ve ever received). I should be grateful.

It’s just that I always thought I’d be a stay-at-home mom like my mother. She married a kinda rich man though (my darling dad), while a geeky, kinda hunky scientist in an ancient bakkie stole my heart. I now realize that being a working girl is one thing, but leaving your long awaited baby girl with a total stranger is quite another.

So here I am, thinking some big-time jealous thoughts about The Other Woman… ’cause my baby angel’s daymother is the one who:

  • now gets to spend more time with my little angel during workweeks than I do.
  • gets to enjoy those Miss Sunshine smiles every weekday when my angel wakes up from a morning nap.
  • will have more opportunities in a given week than I will to comfort and hold her when she cries.
  • might be the one who gets to hear my angel laugh her first belly laugh, say her first word, see her take those first wobbly steps…

How is a mother’s heart supposed to adjust to all that? Ever?

My little star is weighing about 5 kg, so twice her weight on take-baby-home day. I love breastfeeding her. To me there’s something almost holy in those intimate moments when she’s drinking quietly and contently, her tiny body pressed against mine. (If we can ignore those fussy evening feeds for a minute here!)

As for sleeping, uhm, well.. stars are brightest at night, right? She takes after her never-tired daddy.. She still wakes up every two hours to visit Mommy’s Diner, i.e.at roughly 12 am, 2 am, 4 am and again at 6. During the day, LO can go without sleep for up to about 6 hours! I often spend half an hour getting her to sleep – then after 15 minutes of sleep, she opens those big blue eyes, gives me a big grin and wants to be held, carried around, entertained or whatnot again!

She hates dummies, Telament drops, vaccinations, those frequent stomach cramps and sitting in the same spot for long.

She loves baths, her swing, her daddy, gripe water, lullabies and mommy’s breast (a restaurant, snack bar, pacifier and pillow all in one!).

I still spend a significant amount of time on work tasks, or stressing about work deadlines even though I’m on maternity leave till mid November. I’ve dropped out of my UNISA studies this semester – finding no time for the assignments. Sigh.

So in short, LO is doing well, DH is still the proudest dad ever and I’m the lucky, if utterly exhausted mommy of the most amazing little one.

All going well here, ladies. Gynae is happy with our ‘babaliefie, who now weighs in at just under 2.6 kgs – and with me.

Not so much longer before we get to meet and hold her! OK, hopefully she stays put for the full month that’s left though.. “It’s way too cold to come out now, little one..”

Finishing off everything at work is a bit hectic, but only 3 weeks (- today) of that left before I have 4 months of maternity leave. How cool is that?

What I’d like to know is this: Forty years have passed since mankind’s first steps on the moon. We have cellphones, smartphones, iPods, iPads and wheels on our luggage. There are skyscrapers with hundreds of floors and the Arabs have ski resorts in the desert.

Yet there’s still no cure for morning sickness?! You’ve got to be kidding! Speaking of which, Vomifene is a bad joke – it knocks me out for an hour or two, but then I wake up nauseous again. So it doesn’t even help me to get some proper sleep.

It is too much to ask for some safe miracle drug? Wthout any side-effects. Thoroughly tested and guaranteed to not have any effects on my kiddie. Hmm, or his/her children.. or his/her children’s children?

Why is still called morning sickness anyway? We might as well still refer to the Titanic as ‘unsinkable’. I certainly find it unbearable 24/7, although it is admittedly even worse every morning.

Yep, at 14 weeks I’m still not getting a break. After this morning’s puking session I had enough. I called work and told them I’m taking annual leave this whole week and that’s it. I’ve taken five or six days of sick leave up to now, scattered over the past few weeks, but how lame is to call in sick at 10:30 with morning sickness?? (It begs the question, why not drag your ass over here for the afternoon shift, at least?)

Workwise, it doesn’t seem better to take anti-nausea meds that basically shuts down most brain centers (apart from the nausea centre), yet activates the sleep centre..

Thank goodness for rice, bananas and Hillcrest’s frozen raspberries. Without these wonder foods, I don’t know how I’d have survived. Ginger, mint, toast.. ugh – by now I feel like puking just thinking of those..

Sorry for this ungracious vent. 😦 I’m sure the end is in sight, right?

I always envied pregnant women their nausea, since I thought it would be so wonderful to be and feel pregnant. I really don’t want to sound ungrateful! But by now I would actually not mind feeling a bit human again.

I’m back from a holiday and back at work (uhmm, at least physically). Hope you all had a lovely Christmas too.

Just had my 8w 4d scan and our ‘babaliefie’ is right on track and has a beautifully strong heartbeat with 175 bpm!

I’ve been spotting non-stop since the previous scare when we lost one twinnie, so I tried to contain my excitement during the holiday. This was easier said than done around my ecstatic mother, MIL and other delighted family members.

Shame, at my family’s ‘Kersboom’ on the eve of the 24th when we announced the news, my mother produced the cutest baby things that she bought.. wait for it.. shortly after DH and I got engaged five years ago. Not married. Engaged!

‘Fortunately’ the horrid nausea was and is at least a pretty reassuring reminder that there’s a little babaliefie on board (that doesn’t like driving, vitamins, brushing of teeth, eating – especially eating Christmas dinner, not eating,..). It even wakes me up at least twice every night. I pack myself a ‘midnight snack’ box before bed.

I think something that often helped me to be successful in life (meaning as relatively successful/unsuccessful as I’m now), is my ability to focus on what’s important.

This has helped me lots in my studies and at work. I had good grades and my superiors tend to be very happy with me. If you know the comic strip Calvin and Hobbs, you’ll understand that it’s sad that I can relate to the life of Suzie Derkins!

The problem is that what’s important to me now, is to try and get that BFP! One could say I’ve completely lost my focus, but I think it has just shifted to this very elusive goal.

Today, I can’t think of anything but tomorrow’s first IUI. After that, the 2ww is unlikely to help me snap out of it for another 14 days. If I do get a BFP, well.. I can only imagine what the 9mw would be like!

I’m going to have to put some serious effort into getting some momentum going at work and in my studies!

I wonder whether this is the reason why girls are generally less successful at their careers?! Especially once that friggin’ biological clock starts ticking like a time bomb?

I’m hoping like crazy I can get my act together at work soon! Judging from my boss’s comments, I’ve still got some credits in my ‘productivity account’ at the moment due to having often worked hard and long hours here over the past two odd years – but for how long?

My previous corporate job made me feel like I’ve run away from home and joined the circus. So before starting ttc, I took a salary cut, got myself a job with a wonderful boss and a much nicer work environment.

In my previous job, I barely got round to seeing a dentist, leave alone an FS. My previous (male) boss used to say, “Just promise me you’re not going to fall pregnant anytime soon..” My new (female) boss has told me before, “I can’t wait for you to have kiddies, because I’m so curious to see whether they’d be more like you or more like your DH..” Yes, I’m sooo lucky – I just need those kiddies now!

I try not to think about this (especially in the 2ww), but all of this means that if I never get to have a LO, I’d be without much of a career and without LOs. Guess I’d better try to make sure I’d still be working for my really nice boss if (God forbid) that were happen.. So I’m really trying to get my scatter-brained thoughts a bit more together this week!

I’m testing on the 30th and writing an exam on the 4th Nov. So if I get that BFP, that will be one of my and the MaybeBaby’s first bonding experiences! Too bad my chances of having the LO by then is most likely a lot less than I’m going to have for that stupid exam..

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